that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How does it feel to date your dad?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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