you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
