One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
