Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
