You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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