the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Come see our sink grown plant.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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