She's JV to your varsity
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
