I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
