Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Welp...herpes.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize