Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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