Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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