Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize