Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
