an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
