CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
