I just saw a hot homeless man
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize