Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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