I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
