I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
