I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
