i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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