Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize