Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
