Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
