You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
