maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
