Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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