hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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