I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
