There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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