its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
