Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
