I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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