3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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