Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize