Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
