Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
