So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
