Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
