I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
