Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i drank out of a bidet.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
