once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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