I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
