A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
