I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize