You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
