sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
