Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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