thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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