Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
