just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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