oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
