I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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