like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
BRING THE BAGELS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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