I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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