Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
