"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
