using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i love accidental penises.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
