I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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