is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was like getting head from an anaconda
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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