mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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