I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
