so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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