the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
