That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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