Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
