I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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