well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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