Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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