Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
