Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They have beer where we have blood.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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