You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
