Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
