atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
