I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize