actually, I'm a sock model
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
