You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
