A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
