Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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