you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
