I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
