I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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