At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
