I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
