After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize