where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
