I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
