yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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