The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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